{obsessed}

that would be the best word to describe how i feel about gwen. her smell, her laugh, her eyes, her texture, her sounds - my heart aches out love for her. i think it's because she's something i feel i can do right even when i seem to be doing a lot of other things wrong lately. the house is usually a mess, with laundry unfolded, dishes unwashed, floor unswept, walls unwiped (but hey, the fridge is organized 9 times out of 10), i'm quite chubby and know what i need to do but usually fall asleep at night without having done it, addi yells at me, bites me (that one's new as of this week), sometimes hits/kicks me, and i'm sure if she knew english she would be one of those 'i hate you mommy' kids, dinner ... hmmm ... well, there's L & L, McDonalds, Subway, Taco Bell, and Laie Chop Suey - oh, and Hau'ulas own Papa Ole's and Korean BBQ, oops - forgot Pizza Hut.

but i digress. gwen. she loves me. i do no wrong in her world. i can tell by the way she looks at me that i'm perfection and happiness and everything that matters to her, and sometimes that's just what a woman needs. at least it's what this woman needs.

to me, gwen is God's way of saying, 'I know you stef. I knew what life would be like for you right now, so here's my little present for you, all wrapped up with an umbilical cord.'

that way i won't forget Him through all the dishes, piles of clothes, yelling toddler, and pathetic dinners. because every time i look at gwen, smell her, kiss her, serve her, love her, miss her, i'm filled with gratitude to a Heavenly Father who knows me. a Heavenly Father who knows me well enough to know i need gwen

... with whom i am obsessed.