are you ready to read? i have so many thoughts jumbled up in the little space between my ears that i can't seem to get any one thought pinned down enough to blog about it.

the persecution heaped upon church members in the mainland about prop 8. 

my friend isa and how grateful i am for her. 

the temple: liko receiving her endowment; the merritts being sealed. 

addi is growing up so fast and i miss her. 

i love the gospel - i really do ... a lot. 

faith and gardening and Alma 32.  

how amazing case is. he fixed my piano, built a garden, makes elevators ... he can do anything.

i think the thing weighing most heavily upon my mind, though, is a certain knowledge i've been granted: a knowledge of truth. absolute, unchanging, eternal truth. the gospel of Jesus Christ is true. it's a confusing time, isn't it? really, amidst it all, it seems quite calm when you know who you are, where you've come from, where you're going, and why you're here, but just pause and think. this is a tumultuous time to be living. and i think i've taken for granted the fact that i do know these four things: 

i, stefani ferol jorgensen know that i am a child of God. He is my Father, my Heavenly Father. He loves me dearly. He knows me personally. that's not some coined phrase - it's truth. He knows me. He knows you. He loves us collectively and individual. 

that's who i am. 

i came from Him. before i lived on earth i lived in heaven. 'lived there and loved there with people i know; so did you.' i existed before my body existed. i know that. i look at my children, who were so different from the womb, and it confirms this truth to me. we are people, individual, unique people before birth. 

that's where i came from.

i'm going back to Him. when i die, the part of me that lived before i had a body keeps on living. that makes sense, doesn't it. of course it does. assuming i remain righteous and obedient and faithful in keeping my covenants, i will live forever with Him, with God. with Christ. that's heaven. 

that's where i'm going.

and that's why i'm here - to prove, with this body, that i am capable of earning the right and privilege and blessing to live an eternity with someone so perfect, so loving, so compassionate that He gave His son, His Only Begotten Son, his gwen and addi, to us. He knew. He knew we would take it for granted. He knew we'd forget. He knew we would reject His prophets: Adam, Noah, Abraham, Moses, His own son, and Joseph Smith. He knew we would sin. He knew it would hurt - both him and Jesus. But out of love ... out of the tender mercies that only a parent can know, He offered a way to return. because though i may be faithful and obedient and righteous, it is only in and through the name of Christ i can return. that's why i'm here. to take upon me the name of Christ and serve Him to the end. 

and really, that covers all aforementioned blog topics. it hurts me that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and its members are being persecuted for standing up for the solidarity of the family unit, for taking a stance against homosexual marriage. marriage is ordained of God, between a man and a woman. that is truth. eternal truth. unchanging truth.  

i am grateful for isa because she reminds me that i can be better than i am currently being. she was an answer to an unspoken prayer. 

i'm grateful for the temple because it is the House of the Lord. the feeling of renewal, of a lifted burden which follows temple service is unmatched. it is beautiful. to me it is a little taste of heaven. my heart was overflowing as i sat next to my new friend liko as she prepared to receive her endowment this past saturday. i remembered my first time attending the temple in Manti, Utah. feeling so happy to be "coming home" yet so sad that my family wasn't there. (i love you mom. thanks for being there. i love you liko. congratulations!)

we planted our seeds tonight in the garden. i never realized how full of doubt i am. i look at those tiny little seeds and just don't believe they will ever become lettuce, or watermelon, or peppers, or carrots. how? those tiny things?! and did i seriously bury a pea in the dirt hoping a whole pod of them will sprout up in the near future? i've always struggled with the concept of faith. i think i try to intellectualize it too much and get lost in the verbage. at any rate, i'm excited to see little sprouts, and eventually partake of the fruit thereof.

and case, my eternal companion. i really didn't know what i was getting into. heavens, who really does? i didn't know the depth of character of the man i was marrying. i didn't know he would drop everything to help someone in need. i didn't know he would have so much passion for every project he undertook, from making tacos for dinner, to washing the cars, to servicing elevators. when you get case, you get 100%. i didn't know he would make our children so happy. i didn't know he would make me so happy. i just didn't realize the blessing he is. 

and now my head is significantly less full. thanks for reading, especially if you made it to the end.