I've never kept it a secret that I have a difficult time knowing how to parent Addi. So maybe that's why you assume I don't spend alone time with her. Maybe because I vent my frustration in this public venue you assume that all I feel towards my first-born is frustration and not love. Maybe you don't realize how much time, effort, energy ... how much of my self I put into trying to be a good mother to Addi. And by no means do I mean to say I'm doing well. I'm fully aware of how much work my parenting needs, but one thing Addi does get is love. From me. From her father. From her sister. From Aunties. She is loved.
Would you like a peek into my daily routine, Anonymous? Addi wakes up around 6:30. Gwen doesn't usually wake up until 7:30 or 8. So what do I do during that hour to hour-and-a-half? Oh, of course I just sleep or catch up on celebrity gossip, right? Or blog ... of course. I mean, of course I'm not cherishing this minimal time I have alone with the little girl who made me a mother ... Addi and I cuddle - every morning. We eat an orange, or apple, or banana, or crackers, or cereal, or cheese ... whatever she chooses. We nestle up on the couch with our morning snack and either read a book, watch one of her "moomies", or whatever else it is she wants to do.
Then Gwen wakes up. That's breakfast time and learning time. We work on numbers, letters, colors, shapes. Then I do morning clean-up while they play together. Then not too long after she wakes up, Gwen takes her morning nap.
This is again alone time with Addi. This is usually color time or sometimes we play blocks, or we cook a lunch together, or she helps me do laundry or clean part of the house. It's our busy/creative time. Gwen wakes up again and then we have our PLAY time. We try to get out of the house for the next 2-3 hours.
Then naps, dinner and Daddy time. etc, etc more boring routine stuff. Then nighttime. It's the same every night. After dinner and clean-up Casey takes Addi to shishi and brush her teeth while I give Gwen a fresh diaper and put her in her PJs. Then we all meet in Gwen's room for a half-hour or so of singing songs. We take turns cuddling the girls. Sometimes I have Addi, sometimes Case does. Then we say family prayers, give each other kisses, and I put Gwen down.
Casey goes with Addi to her room and they read a book together. It's usually Goodnight Moon, or My Little One, or Jesus' First Christmas, or the Pajama Time book Cassie gave us. After story time they say another prayer together and have more kisses, then the day is over.
So if you want to question our family situation again in the future, I ask two things of you:
- have the guts to own what you say
- leave comments on one of the posts where I ask for advice on parenting: constructive, productive comments.
You know, I guess the truth is I've chosen to take offense at your comment, so here I am trying to defend myself to you and to the world. If any of you have advice for me, I'll take it. Consider me your local suggestion box. But if you want to question my love for my children, or deride my parenting, or suggest that Addi is not getting any one-on-one time or the attention she needs, maybe you could do that in a more constructive manner. Because really, all your comment has done, Anonymous, is made me cry on my daughter's first birthday.
Stefani J.
29 comments:
I can't STAND anonymous comments. I have always been the kind of person if I am going to say something snotty I own it. Someone wrote something snotty and anonymous the other day on my blog and I just blocked anonymous comments after that. This whole blog drama that people start is so ridiculous.
wow.. i was confused and went back to your previous post and read your comments. i haven't seen you parent, but from what i read on your blog, i don't think you should be questioned about your parenting skills. i think you're GREAT! i'm not a parent quite yet, but i know that you know what's best for your own child. i know you LOVE your kidS. i know you love addi just as much as gwen. i hope you aren't threatened by that comment or feel any less. you're awesome, your family is awesome! xoxo
well that's too bad- and after such a fun party! i am sorry that person made you cry. i think we are all figuring this parenting thing out (whose child cried fifty times at the party and threw fifty tantrums??... oh yeah, that would be my child! haha) so if anyone thinks they have it all figured out they are mistaken. sorry you cried. it was a lovely party and i hope you feel happy about that.
Apparently Anonymous doesn't know you because if they did they would not have said such a ridicules thing. PERIOD!
oh, i hope you don't put anymore wasted energy into that anonymous meanie. i have yet to get a nasty anonymous comment(knock on wood) but people who don't have the balls to leave their identity should keep their opinions to themselves. as parents we are learning, you aren't made a perfect parent with the birth of your first child. puh-lease. and every child needs different kind of attention because they are all very different individuals with different personalities and temperaments. anyways, just know that you have a HUGE support system and you should just ignore that comment.
i agree with liko-
you are a wonderful parent and a great friend. anyone who knows you, knows that.
we have to parent each child differently because each child is sooo different. i think you do a great job with addi and with gwen.
don't let mr. or mrs. anonymous get you down. you are doing a wonderful job with both of your children!
Stef...you're such a good mom. I'm so sorry someone had to say that to you. When I was there last month and spent those couple of days with you and the girls I saw you treat Addi with just as much love and care as you did Gwen. If anything I saw you spend a little more time with Addi each day than with Gwen (Gwen does take an extra nap and sleeps longer in the morning.) Anonymous must really not know you and has never seen you interact with your kids because she never would have said anything like that if she did.
Anyone who questions your parenting skills must be blind and deaf. Your a great Mom, so great that God doesn't mind sending you a child with a little extra flavor. Anyways don't let them get you down everyone else in the world KNOWS Your girls are the luckiest in the world!
Stef, you are an amazing mom.
Plain and simple. What a ridiculous claim. We all know that you love Addi, that you cherish her, but that you also have a hard time knowing how to parent her every now and again. That is NOTHING to be ashamed off, if anything it makes me respect you more as a mother because you realize that you are imperfect and try THAT much harder to make your mothering abilities work for Addi. THAT is true love, THAT is true dedication.
Anonymous can kiss your butt. and mine for that matter!
I'll be honest, I'd like to slap Miss Anonymous in the face. I'm sorry someone had to ruin your day. That was just a cruel thing to say.
wow annoymous must have left a dozie of a comment. I just wanted to say sorry we missed the party. the whole fam has been disgustingly sick and I didn't think we should share those kind of things with the rest of the happy healthy world. hope you had a fun day celebrating despite the blog drama!! Tell your lil one happy birthday for us!
What a meanie. I'm sorry, don't know what to say to help you feel better Stef. I don't know why anyone would post a comment like that, it would make me cry too. I'd be blocking future anonymous comments if I was you. But, you can tell by what everyone has already said that Anonymous' comment definately doesn't apply to you. ;-) Thanks by the way for the fun Sunday b-day party and amazing goodie bag! It was hard not to steal Eden's treats...Okay, I did steal one bite of Kudo while she wasn't looking.
Perhaps Mr/Mrs Anonymous doesn't realize you did the exact same types of posts for Addi when she was one and two years...oh and one month, two months, six months, etc!
No more tears for this comment Stef! People make the most horrible assuming judgements/comments because they lack knowledge and courage. If you have a chance, read President Monson's talk he gave at the General Young Women's Meeting on March 28, 2009! It was fabulous!
Love ya sis!
Wow!! How funny that someone would say you don't spend time with one child when the post is dedicated to another. It's a birthday post, duh! I say this to annomoyus, show us your parenting and your perfect chilrden, then we can worship you!! But until then we will worship and look for help from our Savior and let him teach us how to parent our children!! I think you are great and Addi will reap waht she needs from you, because you do love her and are spending quality time with her!!!
I think you are great!
anon, please. what a joke. that is really sad that someone would say something like that. why would they even mention that after that post? it's about gwen, of course your going to talk about gwen.
obviously they don't have kids.
well love, brush it off. obviously everyone who knows you loves you and thinks your a great parent, you don't suck at all.
I'm sorry such mean things were said. I know you and I know you give all your heart to both of your girls. I know I'm not there, but I do know you. I think we ALL have times when we are at our ropes end and don't know how to help or parent our children. It's not like you can open a manuel and read.."When your child acts like this you should do X Y Z" I think you're great and the truth is our Heavenly Father knows you are a great mother also. I hope you find comfort in all the awesome support it looks like you have. I hope the birthday party was fun and you take no more thought of the rudeness of others. LUV YA STEF!
Oh man Stef! I'm so sorry! That really is so mean and uncalled for. You are a terrific mom. You know that you love your kids and that's what's important. Kids are difficult sometime. Good for you for telling her off, I had that problem once. People need to learn to be nice.
Wow! Sorry you had to see something like that. It's sad that people would actually try to say certain things especially when it's very obvious that you do love both of your children! I don't think there is a perfect mom out there. Everyone gets frustrated with their children. It's natural! You shouldn't have to defend yourself to anybody! That's just silly! THe nerve of some people! I am sure you are a great mom! You are a passionate person and I can tell you are very passionate about your children and husband and that is the best!
another thing, anonymous person who made that comment.....look at Stef's blog! Look at how much she does post about Addy as well as Gwen. Look back at Addy's birthday and the post Stef left there? I mean really? Isn't it kind of obvious that she loves both of her girls and brags about both of her girls? Yes, some children can be difficult at times but does that mean that the mother automatically doesn't spend the time with the difficult child? Um no!! A lot of times it is the other way around! It appears to me that Stef is doing a GREAT job on dividing her time up with BOTH of her beautiful daughters! I just have one question for you? Do you feel better about yourself for posting something like that anonymously? Does it give you more power? Okay that was two questions but I think you get my point!
I think is it just awful how judgmental & critical mothers often are of each other. For some sad and twisted reason, I think we sometimes put other mothers down, either publicly or privately, in a vain attempt to make ourselves feel a bit more adequate than we really are.
And as far as I can tell, you are an amazing Mother with an absolutely beautiful family!
I read that post by Anon and am just hoping that they are either exceptionally poor with words or were joking in some socially-handicapped sort of way because it was definitely in poor taste. What a novel idea to be able to love BOTH your children! I thought it was a very sweet birthday post Stef. Don't let it phase you because no one who has ever loved more than one child would ever consider it a possibility that Addi isn't adored too.
All I have to say is that you do a lot more for your little family than I do for mine!! I hate stupid anonymous comments... why would leaving a rude comment do anyone any good! what a loser. Anyway, shoot an email my way so I can send you an invite. I have loved reading your blog and looking at your cute photos!!
-Erika Peterson
erikabritt33@gmail.com
I'm so sorry that your day had to be ruined by someone who didn't even have the decency to leave their name.
You are a great mother and the love you have for both your girls is clearly evident.
Keep up the good work!
I am sorry that made you upset...I was so confused, I thought for sure it must be a joke. You know it was just some weirdo lady who has nothing better to do then sit and eat chips while reading random people blogs, and every once in awhile when she takes a minute to lick her greasy fingers, leaves a pyscho comment on someone she doesn't even knows' page. She or he I guess, needs to get a life. I hope they read all these sweet comments everybody wrote you. I bet they feel like an idiot.
Mean people suck. Haha. It's easier said than done, but don't let what that person said linger in your head for too long because none of whatever they said is true. From what you just wrote right there in that post, you are a far better mother than I ever will be and a lot of other people ever will be. The love you have for your kids is so evident, the time that you spend with them, the desire you have to raise good, smart, righteous children is all apparent. The structure you create for them day after day is so important and GOOD moms do that type of important stuff. Don't you worry Stefani, you are doing all the right things. I remember my mom telling me the promise from David O. McKay, stating that as long as you, the parent, did everything that the Lord has asked of you to do, then your children would turn out okay. And you are doing just that. Addi will get out of this rough phase and it will all be a distant memory, these frustrations and anonymous blog comments. Keep up the good work, you're a gem. :)
Stef, anyone who knows you knows you love both of your children immensely.It was a thoughtless comment by a thoughtless person.
Hey Stef! Don't worries... you are a wondeful mom.....who said there is a Perfect mom? Who knows moms that are learning everyday? every year, a whole life? I do!
OH my gosh... Annonymous comments. Where do I start??
First off, it's fairly spineless of "anon" to leave a comment on your blog. I suppose you should feel honored they feel so inclined to slam you on your personal blog. Not sure how that whole deal works...
I would totally be offended. Hurt, even. Anyone who knows you (or reads your blog.. what the??), knows that you try 110 percent to be the best mom you can be. If someone really thought their ideas would benefit you, you would hope they would "man-up" and own it.
Unfortunately, I have banned annonymous comments.
I think I'm going to write my own post about this, because now I'm all fired up.
I guess it doesn't matter in the long run. This person obviously has no idea what it's like to be a decent mother to two. God so help them if that ever happens.
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