this is gwen through the window.
gwen is pretty much your ideal angel child, other than a few pleasantries she's picked up from addi in self-defense and her sleeping habits.
you see, gwen is in all actuality 17 mos. of age. well, practically, almost 17 mos. oh ok, she's 16 1/2 mos. she's moving on up into toddlerdom. i'm in denial but i suppose it is true. all children do in fact grow up.
so here's the thing. the sleeping habits. gwen usually sleeps through the night - sometime she'll wake up once and we just have to go in and say howdy and she drifts back off to slumberville. she takes good naps ... geez, why am i complaining. ok ok, here it is. she doesn't put herself to sleep. you see, addi was putting herself to sleep basically from 6 mos. on. we gave her a song, prayer, and a bottle and she was set. she was seriously a dream! so we haven't had much experience with this whole rock-me-for-twenty-minutes-and-then-maybe-just-maybe-i'll-sleep-if-i-feel-like-it thing. (that was 16, count 'em, s i x t e e n !! hyphens you just stumbled through. pat your back and read on.)
so what do we do. do we just rock her little sweaty self to sleep and enjoy the moments while they last? i'd like to take this route, but there's this little thing nagging me called my good sense which says, "INSTILL GOOD SLEEPING HABITS NOW YOU FOOL!!" (and yes, it really does yell at me in all-caps, in case you were wondering).
i'm so big on sleep routines. i'll miss, well, basically any-and-every social gathering presented me if it conflicts with their sleep times. true story. i think good sleep = happy people. poor sleep = neurological issues and psychosis. (pwah ha ha!! don't you love the overdramaticness!!) yada yada, what it really boils down to is gwen is still an infant in her sleep routines. she still likes the cuddles and rocking and still doesn't self-soothe. well, unless you want to consider her paci and extension of herself, which really, at this point, it is. that's a completely different issue though, one too that affects her sleep.
*sigh*
so... returning... where was i? oh yes, gwen. sleeping. ok. well, ok. i think she's old enough to put herself to sleep. do it let her cry it out? i'm not opposed to the cry it out method ... well, except someone told me last week that it actually changes the child's neurological processes. i'd like to read that study.
anyways, i digress. so the two tasks at hand:
1) getting her to put herself to sleep.
2) getting rid of the paci.
should we do one before the other? should we let her cry it out? she we do them at the same time? is she too young and i'm insane?
help. please.
19 comments:
we do the cry it out. it works like a charm every time. the first night is long and hard and it gets easier every night for the parents and the kid and then the kid is set and happy to be securely in the boundaries the arent has provided. it gets off track from time to time (teething, sickness, vacations...etc.) so we start over. it has never failed me yet and amby and i are a lot happier because of it.
there's an awesome book at the BYU-H library that helps you through the whole cry it out thing. it reassures you as a parent, gives reasons why you need to get them to do it on their own, gives an exact regime for doing it that is oozing with love, and you feel like a stellar parent afterwards. the title is something like "help your child sleep through the night" or something. I know she already does that, but that's generally why people get books, the regime would still help a ton with putting her down initially.
as for the pacifier, have no experience with it at all, kaci never took one so we never had to wean her off it. but the sooner you do it the better according to my dental hygiene friend.
good luck!
You know, the mere fact that Tru can put himself to sleep is honestly one of the best things in my life ;). And yes, we had to come about it the hard way by letting him cry it out. But a few nights of crying is SO WORTH IT!!! I recommend 'healthy sleep habits, happy child'. Good luck friend, your girlies are adorable as always!
I started the cry it out method with Conner with nap times first. I found that I was less irritable then and so was he. Once he got the whole nap thing down the night was a breeze. Kaily was different though, she still wanted us to hold her hand or be right there by her bed until she fell asleep until she was almost 3.
As far as the passy goes, personally, I would do it after. Kaily had her passy until she was 2 1/4 and then she was old enough to understand the whole idea of it being broken. We cut the nipples off and she figured out they were broken and threw them away herself. It seemed to wk really well.
We also do the -cry it out- is there really any other way at that age?? I don't know. But Melissa Crosby, I remember, couldn't do that because Kaia would make herself throw up every time. So I suggest trying it out just to see what she does. If she just cries then I wouldn't worry, but if she throws up you might have to try a different technique. A friend of mine (Tay Faulkner, you might know her from Hawaii) doesn't like the cry out thing either and she got a book that was about doing it another way. Not sure if it ever worked for her but just so you know there is something out there if you need it.
Binki--she should be old enough to understand, already, the throwing them away thing and it might be easier to do cry out and the binki at the same time but it might also make it harder. But if you do it you need to stick to it...don't give in. Might be easier to just have her get all her cries it out at one time so you don't have to cry it out twice...but really you end up doing it every once in a while anyway (Like Steph R. said). So you could save it for another time. It is really up to you. If it seems to be changing her teeth or her mood then i would get rid of it now. If not...I probably wouldn't bother.
I agree with Meg, she told me about this book and I bought it also. 'healthy sleep habits, happy child' I started sleep training keilana at 2 weeks old and she is funny that she just wants her crib many times - oppose to mommy getting her cuddles in.
Honestly I don't remember exactly how it all worked since we started first thing so she took to it right away.
At a point we put her down, let he cry 5 min. go in rub her back, sing songs and let her fall back asleep all while leaving her in the bassinet. Then if she started crying again we would go back in after 10 min.
I think the book talks about protest crying I think that's what its called. But basically learn if something is wrong, like she has a burp or popping diaper or she is fighting the sleep. If it is just a protest cry of not wanting to go to sleep then leave her for 5 then 10 then 15 min.
Also a routine is so KEY! we do the same routine nap time of song, cuddle then put her in crib wide awake she puts herself to sleep and often talks to herself for 15 minuets and rubs the side of the bumper (makes me always want to go get her and play). (She also only gets the binki at nap time). She always sleep in her crib. Bedtime we add in a bath, pajamas, story, songs and cuddle then crib.
yes the first year will be rough for us for social events we are home every night because I insist she will be a good sleeper. She sleeps absolutely amazing in her crib and not so well elsewhere.
I also am a firm believer in sleep = happy baby = happy mommy = happy home. And that it will have long term effects on mental, physical and all other development. That why it is worth it to me to not go out and play instead always have the party at our house so baby can sleep.
Literally hangs out are always at our house or else one parents stays home.
I just want to thank you for your blog. These are questions I've been debating myself. I'm not into the whole cry yourself to sleep so I'm going to research that a little more.
Another idea for the pasi:
It's the tooth fairy idea but with pasis.
Let Gwen put them in a basket and tell her the pasi fairy is going to take them to little babies and bring her a treat. Then put a treat in the basket and remove the pasis.
My sister did that with her 18 month daughter. It worked great.
Drew would not for the life of her cry herself to sleep. We let her cry for 2 hours once. She threw up she gagged, and I still let her cry. The book says to go in reassure them, if they throw up just clean it up and leave the room. Drew slept with us till she was 2 and it STUNK!! Brody, crying it out worked like a charm. Cried for 30 min. the first night, 10 the second and by the third night not only could he put himself to sleep but he slept the whole night. What also worked best for us was when Dad put them to sleep. Of course I did this when they were five months and still nursing so YES Gwen should be able to soothe herself to sleep by now. If a 5 month old can I believe a 16 month old can. I also have never had to worry about a paci but I would get it all done and over with at once. Send it off on a balloon, throw it in the ocean for the fishies, something fun and then NEVER buy another one!!
AH HA! The good ol' how-to-let-baby-fall-asleep-on-their-own-question.
I love it.
And I love that everyone knows how! The funny thing is, that I don't think anyone picked up on, is that Addi always fell asleep on her own. And Gwen doesn't. Isn't it funny how every kid is different?
Anyway, I noticed I tend to "baby" Hugh more than I did when J was his age. I think it's because they are clearly SO SMALL!! So, I think everyone is right. Gwen can handle it. I think you just think she can't, because it's so much easier to see our younger ones as tiny little infants still.
About the pacifier. I wouldn't take it away...yet. You are already going to be introducing a new (possibly traumatic) situation for her: falling asleep on her own. Let her figure that out first. Once she's got it down, take away her pacifier.
However, what do I know? J is two. And still sleeps with his pacifier.
Sigh.
W-O-W!! you got TONS of advice already.
i'm still just gonna add my two cents, though, if ya don't mind...
the pacifier - takes like one or two days and they get over it. seriously. i dreaded that two times over and was always amazingly surprised at how quickly they get over NOT having it.
about the sleeping thing - my routine is dinner, bath, story time, then i press play and let the music soothe them to sleep. sometimes they fall asleep while i'm reading to them and some nights they request me cuddling with them -- i always oblige. then there are the days where they get sooo tuckered out they just knock out on the couch and i carry them to bed.
and remember, this too shall pass...
Oh, PS... I wouldn't totally neglect her. HA!!
Everyone else seems to think because she is older it shouldn't be a big deal. I think because she is older it WILL be a big deal! :) She has had the fancy life for over a years!!
So, maybe to help ease her into it, get your routine, whatever it may be. Calm her down, then lay her down. Awake, but calmed. It's fine to rock your baby!! That's why God gave the to us!! But lay her down calmly-awake.
Let her cry for 5 minutes, go in. DO NOT PICK HER UP. Pat her on the head, love her, etc. Let her cry for 10 minutes, go in. Let her cry for 15 minutes, go in, etc.
BUT, the next night, don't go in until she cries for 10 minutes. Then repeat... The next night start at 15 minutes.
Am I making any sense?
I think kids should come with manuals when they are born. Since I really have no idea what I am doing!!! Why can't they all be the same???
oh joyous times of motherhood where I have a whoping 4 months of experience!!
I must remember all these advices to help me!
I say cuddle and rock, they grow up way too fast. I am a cuddle rocker, so I probably did it all wrong, but I liked it!
cry it out is the only sure fire way to teach that habit. she's old enough I think. I'd do the paci and sleeping seperate though. Then again, if you are going to be miserable might as well get all over with at once!
With both my girls crying it out was the only way! After about a week they were completely on their own, and we were all happy.
As far as the paci, my girls were both so totally hooked that when they were about 18 months (they goal was no paci when they went to Nursery) I "lost" the paci. I truly did loose it, and it was wonderful. The first couple of days were really hard, but we had lots of car rides (my girls loved the car) and we all got through it.
I would definitely not do it at the same time though, that would just be too traumatic.
Wow, Apparently I'm late on the advice portion of the issue!! :) It's already pretty much resolved!! Nice one!
But I'll add my thoughts anyways!
We cry things out around here! Well Tyken used too (still does from time to time). If he ever cries really hard and LONG, I'll go in give him a hug and a kiss and tell him I love him and usually he goes RIGHT to sleep. He just needs that reassurance!!
I used to baby-sit this kid that was only allowed to use his paci in his room. It was the craziest thing, as soon as he stepped one foot out, he would drop it on the floor. If he felt the need to use it he would sit on his floor and suck away. (I'm thinking they might have been aliens or something...I can't imagine my kids having that sort of discipline.)
ang . i serioulsy laughed so hard i almost peed myself when i read you're bit about the alien kid ...
cause that's EXACTLY what gwen does right now. pacis are only for bedtime, so when she wakes up, she throws it on her shelf before she leaves her bedroom. and then if she wants one she knows she has to go night-night to get one. (so she's actually gone back to 2 naps a day just to get her paci fix ... haha!)
my advice follows echo's mom's, and I loved it too! Wouldn't change a thing about what I did with Kaiya. And she is one of the best sleepers I know now and she never cried it out once.
She used to vomit when she cried but even if she didn't I would never have had her cry it out. I just don't like it.
But that is me and I am different than you. You have to do what works best for you and her. whatever that may be.
Hey Stef,
I can't do the cry-it-out method. Meira would not sleep well untill she was nearly one year old when I discovered the book, "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems (by Teaching You How to Ask the Right Questions): Sleeping, Feeding, and Behavior--Beyond the Basics from Infancy Through Toddlerhood, by Tracy Hogg
This is an amazing book that teaches you how to teach your baby how to sleep. Hogg does not use the cry-it-out method and it totally worked for me. Check it out if you are interested. I love this woman! She has helped me be a better mom. Love ya.
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