real post (n.): a post containing pictures and anecdotes of the day-to-day life of the family jorgensen. 2. something to make the grandparents, aunts, loved ones of afar off gleeful due to the immensity of kilobytes of images. 3. not this post.
and i don't really know what this post is going to be,
but i can feel it.
it's not a real post.
i went to a funeral the week of the kona low (haha - i'm seriously laughing out loud at myself that i'm marking time by some cosmic weather event rather than a calendar. wow.) it was a tongan funeral, i'm pretty sure. and it once again reaffirmed the little known fact that i was supposed to be born a polynesian. it's true. ever since the first time i knew polynesians existed, which was sometime in my high school years, i realized i wanted to be one. i was quite decided that i would simply marry a polynesian and be adopted in through marriage and live vicariously through my children. i married a dane - 3rd generation straight from denmark, or maybe 4th. denmark is not considered to be part of the polynesian triangle. wrong ocean. but i like case. i'll keep him despite his not-so-brown-ness.
but i digress, polynesians. funerals. i've sung aloha oe' many-a-time since moving here. (side note: aloha oe' is a traditional hawaiian farewell song. you sing it when someone moves out of the ward, which happens in masses every few months in a student ward, which is what we were in our first 2 years.) so, i attended the funeral because i was playing the piano for it. i love playing the piano for anything, especially church functions. i love the hymns. absolutely love them. so as i played and sang the hymns (child-free mind you because you can't bring two kids 2-and-under to a funeral while you're playing the piano) i just got lost in the music and in the spirit of the lyrics of the hymns. i always imagine the person who wrote the song. were they inspired? did God put those words in their head? i think so. i've written a couple church songs, and started one hymn. note i said started ... it's still not finished, 5 years later. it's hard to write a hymn. it's a bit exhausting.
wow. talk about tangents, folks. polynesians. funerals. the funeral was beautiful. i didn't know the deceased. she was young - mid 40s. her death wasn't too terribly sudden: cancer. but still ... there's not really a "right time" for death. her daughter lives in our ward. she's roughly my age. i felt so much compassion for her. i couldn't imagine my mom dying now. i'm too young. my kids are too young. my mom's too young. as she spoke i wept. full on choking-down-sobs weeping. and i couldn't stop. at the end of the services one of the aunties came up to lead the congregation in singing aloha oe'. i was so unprepared for this. for the emotion of the event. to hear these people sing goodbye to their mother, sister, daughter, cousin, auntie, friend, wife. the room was a blur through my tears. the scent of the large floral arrangements, wreaths of flowers the size of a large plasma screen TV, crept into my nose, and that's all that was tangible. it was just all too ... too poignant ... too ... just too much i guess. so there i stood. the little haole girl with black tears running down my face. then they sang a tongan farewell song. i could finally make out faces. wet faces with smiles. so much love was in the room. so much togetherness, family, community ... so much polynesia.
and then we ate. an enormous plate lunch was served with so much food i can't even remember it all to list it. and everyone was sitting around talking story. it wasn't somber. it wasn't quiet. it wasn't sad. people were smiling, happy, rejoicing in the life that was lived rather than the life that was lost. a kupuna from the ward invited me to sit with her and she talked with me as if we had more history than our occasional passing "hello". i felt like i belonged. and that was important to me because i hadn't felt like i belonged anywhere for months. but this woman, this moment, brought to me the realization that i was exactly where i belonged. nervous, weary, lonely, and different, trying to look confident as i chatted over a plate of poi and pork at a polynesian funeral.
12 comments:
loved reading this! you are such a great writer!
I was going to ask you about your love of the polynesian people a while ago and ask you if you were in cultural heaven...all I needed to be was patient. I am happy you can find a little home away from home.
On another note...did you know Sis Rollins had twins. Here is her blog if you want to check it out.
http://peterson-paradise.blogspot.com/
not that ive ever been to a polynesian funeral, but sometimes i take these cultural things for granted. it was so amazing to me when i first moved here and then i just got caught up in everyday life for me in my own little world, but this is part of the reason why i love living here so much too! thanks for the lovely reminder... in my opinion these types are blogs are often 10xs more interesting than the day to day we all often blog about for lack of a better idea.
yeah, your right, this post sucked.
ha. not even, i loved every word of it. i love me the polys too. i can't watch a hula or anything close to it without tearing up, it's actually a little embarrassing at times "oh, no, it's just something in my eye". but i love it, i love them, i love your post!
Great post!
I feel the same way. I tear up EVERY SINGLE time we sing that sweet goodbye song.
I think is because you CAN feel the love behind the words. Go anywhere else in the world(besides the Polynesian islands)and I swear it wouldn't feel the same.
Last Sunday we sang to the Tonga's in our ward and when we said good bye I was crying like a baby, but mostly it was because I love them. I was the only one besides them, and everyone looks at me like I'm crazy, but it does it to me every time. It's the sentiment and outreaching of love.
Nothing makes people in Hawaii more hungry than funerals! I hope that wasn't taken badly... I really enjoyed this post. You're so cute; A Polynesian at heart!
Stef! I love you! I love your posts! I love that you are so involved in so many things! You are so passionate and spiritual and I look up to you!(not literally, lol) You are so right about Polynesians. I share similar feelings with you on that! Afterall my name comes from the Hawaiian name Leilani! I love it! It's good to keep in touch!
Stef,
I so enjoyed your post - it really touched my heart! Your last line about discovering you were where you are supposed to be can be applied to so many of us everywhere. You don't have to be in a totally different culture to sometimes feel alone and lonely. Isn't it wonderful to Know that our Heavenly Father is aware of us and our needs and when we open ourselves to Him he meets them in so many ways.
Thank you for this touching post - it was wonderful even without the pictures!
I love you!
There is something SO special about Polynesia. The people, the place, the customs, the feelings. I miss them all so much!
I agree with Christina!
You are such a talented writer, I could read and read and read your blog for hours. You make me laugh and cry and make me reflect on my own blessings all in the same post. My bff's father just passed away last week and at his funeral I helped my friend and her sisters sing "God be with you til we meet again" while they lowered the casket into the grave. It was similar to what you described here. I thought it interesting that we had a similar experience around the same time. :) Thanks for the post.
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